Whats left living for
by Jayniebop
Summary: set after OotP. Harry is feeling suicidal after the death of his godfather, what will he do about it. Please r&r, suicidal themes


Disclaimer: All of the characters in this Fan Fiction belong to JK Rowling and not me.

**What's left living for?**

Harry Potter was sitting alone in the Hogwarts School grounds. No one knew that he was there and he didn't plan on telling anyone. He came here to be by himself and think about the past few months, as he hadn't talked to anyone about Sirius's death, he thought that there was no need to explain his feelings to anyone. At the beginning it was because he didn't believe that his godfather was in fact gone, but now he knew that he would never see him again unless he himself was to leave this world.

            "There's nothing keeping me here, people only care about me because they know about the prophecy, they need me. They know that without me everything will be over. And do you know what? I don't even care Voldemort can take over! I'd rather die now than giving him the satisfaction of killing me the boy who lived."

Harry lay down on the damp grass. He knew that deep down he would miss his friends, but if he had to choose between the afterlife with his parents and Sirius or the real world where there was so mush suffering and pain, Harry knew where he'd rather be. 

Harry wanted to tell his friends why he was doing this, but he couldn't bring himself to, he felt ashamed. And he knew that whatever he said to them they would still try to stop him, and he couldn't let them do that. So Harry decided that he would write them all letters explaining things to them.

            "At least this way I wouldn't have to see the looks of disgust on their faces when I told them the truth."

And with that Harry pulled his schoolbag over to him and took a few pieces of parchment out and began writing. He wrote letters to; Ron, Hermione, Hagrid, Dumbledore, Remus and the rest of the Weasley family thanking them for everything they had done for Harry in the past. Harry slipped the letters into his pocket knowing that someone would find them.

Harry looked up to the dark cloudy skies above him and watched, as stars would sparkle out from beneath the clouds occasionally. Harry sighed loudly wishing that he could be up there now with everyone. He didn't know why everything was so confusing to him; he just wanted everything to be over.

With that thought Harry took out a knife and slowly slit his own wrists. Harry watched as red glowing blood poured down his wrists. He had done it, he would be with them soon enough. Pictures of his parents and Sirius ran through his mind, they were all smiling at him waiting for their son to return to them. He saw himself Ron and Hermione all sitting near the lake in this very spot in which Harry was now.

Ever so slowly Harry began to feel as if he was leaving his body, he started to feel light headed as the blood continued to fall around him. One of the last things that passed though his mind was a image of a flying motorbike. Then in a faint whisper he said

            "I'm going home."

And that's how Harry Potter was found. Hagrid was walking through the grounds early in the morning when he found Harry smiling up at him from the ground and not moving.

            "Harry?" He called. That's when he noticed the blood, which covered Harry's robes. Hagrid ran as fast as he could all the way to the great hall where dinner was being served. Many heads turned when they saw the huge man running into the hall while large tears ran down his cheeks and he looked very distressed. Dumbledore stood quickly as Hagrid reached the staff table

            "What is it Hagrid?"

            "I've found Harry sir." Hagrid said in little more than a faint whisper. McGonagall turned when she heard this and wanted to see what had made the half giant get into such a state.

            "I think you should see for yourself." Said Hagrid as tears stained his face and ran into his beard.

Hagrid led Dumbledore, McGonagall and Snape to where he had found Harry's body. They were all expecting the worst, when they reached Harry's body McGonagall let out a gasp and she too cried. While Snape stood there looking strangely at Harry. Although he had never liked Harry he still felt sad knowing that the boy had felt that he needed to kill himself. Harry looked so pale, however he also looked happy at finally doing what he had wanted to do for a long time.

Dumbledore just stood in silence; the sparkle in his eyes was gone. He looked into Harry's open eyes, which still shone their magnificent green. He continued to look into them until a tear ran down his face.

            "I think we should take his body somewhere quiet so we can sort everything out, and I'll inform the order, they'll want to know about this."

Dumbledore conjured a blanket and covered Harry's body with it. Then he levitated the body, leading the way up to the castle with a very depressed looking Hagrid, McGonagall and Snape behind him. They took Harry's body to the hospital wing so that it could be checked before he was buried. While Madam Pomphrey was checking the body she found the letters in Harry's pocket. She walked over to Dumbledore and handed him the letters.

            "One of them has your name on it." Said the school nurse gently as she passed it over to him.

            "Thank you Poppy.' He said, "I'll be back shortly"

Dumbledore walked to his office and sat down at his desk where he slowly opened the letter, which read

_Professor Dumbledore,_

_ I know that if you're reading this letter than you'll have found my body. I don't know what to say to you in this letter to make you understand why I've done this. Normally in these situations people say how sorry they are, but the truth is I'm not sorry at all. I'm happy now knowing that I'll be in no more pain, and I'll be with my parents and Sirius again._

_You're probably wondering why I did this; well I did it because I was sick of feeling so alone and feeling that everyone expected me to be the one to get rid of Voldemort until one of us killed the other. People thought that I was brave, but the truth is I'm not; if I were I wouldn't be doing this tonight. The truth is that the thought of having to fight Voldemort until one of us killed the other, scared me more than anyone could know. I'm 16 years old I shouldn't have had to of gone through what I have, it wasn't fair on me. And then when Sirius died I knew I couldn't go on. He was the last person who truly understood me. He didn't see me as the famous Harry Potter, he saw me as me, and then he was ripped away from me like everyone else who I've loved, and it was once again my fault that he died. I could have done so many things to save him but I didn't. I have to be with them again, I feel too alone right now, and I'm sick of it._

_Thank you for everything you have done for me and I'm sorry that I couldn't have been the person you wanted me to be._

_                        Harry Potter_

And so Albus Dumbledore put the letter down and he too cried. Harry Potter the boy who lived was dead.

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